Disclaimer: All of these sketches are a work of fiction and are purely for entertainment.
Game Show Sketches Table of Contents
"Sleep" (Below)
"Fifty Shades of Grey Game Show" (underneath "Sleep")
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REALITY SHOW "SLEEP"
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): From the creators of the shows “Burp,” “Drive,” and “Sink,” comes a new show about how people sleep.
“SLEEP” SHOW TITLE FADES to show the slick, middle-aged HOST.
INT. STUDIO
INT. STUDIO
RYAN: Hello, I’m Ryan McRyan and welcome to our new show “Sleep.” Instead of putting you to sleep, like we did with the above mentioned shows, we now put the contestants to sleep, and our judges, two insomniacs, judge just how well they do that.
The TWO SMILING JUDGES wave.
RYAN: Now, I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is YES.We are that desperate for ratings. Yup. Aha. We are. (Pause) So, without further ado, here are our sleeping contestants.
All of the contestants are situated next to each other. Ryan COMES UP TO EACH OF THE CONTESTANTS, to check on their sleeping.
CONTESTANT #1 is loudly SNORING in a CHAIR.
RYAN (points to him): This is Rob, a retired office executive.
CONESTANT # 2, is TWISTING and TURNING on the FLOOR, while loudly MUBLING in her sleep.
RYAN (points to her): This is Nora, a lawyer.
NORA (talking in her sleep): Yeah, I stabbed the weirdo. So what you gonna do officer?
Ryan JUMPS AWAY from her in PANIC, and quickly goes up to the next contestant.
CONTESTANT # 3, GEORGE, gets OFF his CHAIR and ACCIDENTALLY HITS Ryan, who DUCKS AWAY. George SLEEPWALKS off the set.
RYAN: This is George, an actor….Hey where do you think you’re going?
CONTESTANT # 4 is sleeping silently. Ryan walks over to her.
RYAN: And this is Contestant # 4, Kim, a pharmacist. (Pause). I know what you’re thinking. Yup. Aha I do. Contestant # 4 isn’t really sleeping. She’s faking it. ‘Cause no one sleeps that quietly. Or if they do, that would make a very boring program. Ok. Kim, you’re disqualified. You hear me?
No response. TWO CREW MEN RUN OVER to her, and start hitting her.
CREWMAN #1: Wake up!! Come on!!! Wake up!
No response. They HIT her with A PILLOW, PUNCH her, THROW her DOWN, nothing,
RYAN: Ok, Kim, you can stop faking it now.
No response.
CREWMAN #2: I don’t think she’s sleeping. I think she needs some medical attention.
Ryan starts violently SHAKING her.
RYAN: KIM! YOU’RE DISQUALIFIED, YOU HEAR ME? (He turns to The crew). GET HER OUT OF HERE!
The crewmen DRAG her out. Meanwhile Nora, Contestant # 2, YELLS in her sleep again.
NORA: I KILLED THE SUCKER AND NOW I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!
Still sleeping, she JUMPS UP and starts STRANGLING a surprised Ryan. The two crewmen rapidly RETURN and DRAG her OFF him.
RYAN (barely holding it together): Judges?!!!
The spotlight lights up the two judges. They’re ASLEEP.
RYAN: Oh My God, are you kidding me?????
They rapidly WAKE UP.
JUDGE #1: Ok, so we saw that.
Contestant #1, Rob, starts SNORING even louder, making the judges barely audible.
RYAN: Hold on a second, guys.
He RUNS OVER to Rob.
RYAN: Can you keep it down, big guy???
Rob continues SNORING. Ryan THROWS a PILLOW on his face, and return to the judges.
RYAN: Go ahead.
JUDGE #1: Ok, so on a 10-point scoring system, I give a 1 to the snoring chap-he’s annoying--10 to the---
He’s interrupted as TWO POLICE OFFICERS BURST IN, grab sleeping Nora, Contestant # 2, and RUN OUT. One of the officers, on his way out, SLAPS Ryan ON THE SHOULDER.
OFFICER: Thanks for your help. Your show did what we couldn’t!
Ryan, who’s shell-shocked, stares at him, open-mouthed.
JUDGE #1 (calmly continuing): Darn it. I was gonna give the 10 to the sociopath, but she got dragged away before I could grade her!! Oh well. I give the 10 to the sleepwalking chap then, have you found him yet?
No response.
JUDGE #1: Ryan, you ok?
Ryan takes out a PILL BOX.
RYAN: I’ll just take some sleeping pills so I can forget this whole show.
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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY GAME SHOW (also posted under Celebrity Sketches)
INT. STUDIO
HOST: Welcome back to the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Game Show! Let me remind you who our finalists are: The man who puts the ‘sugar’ in the ‘daddy,’ the most famous sugar daddy of them all, and Playboy founder---Hugh Hefner!
HUGH: I’d like to take the time to ask my girls, all ten of them, to go to bed. “Fifty Shades of Grey” is a very inappropriate book and I don’t want their ears getting exposed to this filth.
HOST: And our second finalist---former President, Bill Clinton!
BILL: Hi everyone!
HOST: Before we continue, let me just remind you what the grand prize is: Free lifetime membership to an S & M—wait, am I allowed to say this on television? Free lifetime membership to an M & M club.
HUGH: I love M & M’s. Especially the vanilla ones.
HOST: Then you won’t like this book. Ok. Moving on. First question: What does the title of the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” refer to? A) Sunglasses B) Painting C) Christian Grey D) My imagination
Bill BUZZES in.
HOST: Yes, Mr. President?
BILL: Now that’s a clever question. I think the best answer would be D, my imagination, but Hilary wouldn’t like that, so I’m gonna stay with the book, and judging by the title it’s C—Christian Grey.
HOST: CORRECT! Next question: In this book, flogging, spanking, handcuffing, and restraining refers to: A) Training for the police force B) Training for the military C) Training for your partner D) All of the above.
Hugh BUZZES in.
HOST: Yes, Mr. Hefner?
HUGH: I think it’s D—all of the above.
HOST: Wrong. Remember, we’re going by the book here, not the real world. The correct answer of course is C—training for your partner. Next question: How many books are in the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy? A) 50 B) 3 C) 53 D) None
Hugh BUZZES in.
HOST: Mr. Hefner?
HUGH: I have no idea.
HOST: Well, what are you thinking about?
HUGH: I knocked up fifty broads but only three of them gave birth….So either the rest of them weren’t really knocked up or the babies pulled a disappearing trick…My response is C—53.
HOST: Remember Mr. Hefner, even if Fifty Shades resembles your life, the answers are based on the book. That’s incorrect!
BILL: Well obviously, if it’s a trilogy the answer is B—3.
HOST: That’s correct. Why didn’t you answer the question, Mr. President?
BILL: To tell you the truth I’m scared of winning.
HOST: I see. Last question then: What’s the identity of E.L. James, the author of “Fifty Shades of Grey”? A) White House Intern B) Playboy bunny C) Transvestite D) British Housewife. I know both of you think you know the answer, but it’s not what you think…
Hugh BUZZES.
HOST: Mr. Hefner, go ahead.
HUGH: I was gonna say it’s the British housewife, but since you said it’s not what I think, I’m gonna choose B—the Playboy bunny.
Bill stands there, PRAYING, but the host shakes his head.
HOST: I’m sorry but the correct answer is D—British housewife. And the winner of the show is----
BILL: Excuse me, Todd! I feel like in this situation the only way I can win is by not winning. So, even though I’m the winner—1-0, I surrender to Mr. Hefner here. It’s not an election, so….What the hell….(shrugs)
HOST: Mr. President, may I ask why you participated in the show then?
BILL: To reach out to all the young people who have become fans of this book, and ask them to vote for my wife when she runs for office again. And to all the parents out there: I know what’s on your mind, and yes, one of her agendas would be banning this book from the public libraries so that our children can’t get access to it!
HOST: Mr. Hefner, do you agree?
HUGH: To have this book banned from public libraries? Hell no!
HOST: No, to be the winner of the show?
HUGH: Oh that. Of course! Where’s my membership?
HOST: And on that optimistic note, we end the show. Tune in next week for a brand new episode of Fifty Shades of Grey, featuring special guests Donald Trump and Donald Duck!
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