May-June is normally graduation season, and as somebody who remembers my own graduations, I decided to compile a "Graduation No-No's" list for the parents of future graduates.
Graduation No-No’s
What’s Wrong With This: Besides offending the kid, you’re giving other power-hungry parents a chance to
assert their power over you.
How to identify this:
Edward’s Mom: So which school will Julian be attending?
Julian’s Mom: Julian is going to Boston University in the fall, right after he finishes his job at the real-estate office at the end of the summer. It’s going to take up all our savings, but he’s such a bright kid!!
Edward’s Mom: Hmmm…I’m surprised there are any jobs in real-estate at all, after the market burst a couple of years ago…No one’s selling….Another job that’s soon to become obsolete, but anyway, I’m SO happy for Julian!! Eddy is spending the summer working in the family business and will attend Yale University on a full scholarship in the fall. But hey, I heard good things about BU!!
How to avoid this trap:
Edward’s Mom: So which school will Julian be attending?
Julian’s Mom: Which school is Edward attending?
Edward’s Mom: Yale. Full scholarship.
Julian’s Mom: Oh really? Julian could have went there too, but we prefer Harvard.
Edward’s Mom (disappointed): Oh, I see.
Why it’s a good solution: You adjust your response based on the response of the person
asking the question, so they can’t make you feel inferior.
What’s Wrong With This: Unless the graduate in question had explicitly stated what their dream gift is, there’s a big chance your present would be a waste of money for you, and a prolonged search for the nearest garbage can out of your line of vision by your recipient.
How to identify this:
You: Look what I got you!
Graduate (unwrapping package): A book of inspirational quotes by an alcohol and drug abuse counselor….
You: Read the back cover!
Graduate (turns book over): “The ideal gift for any high school graduate stepping out into the real world for the first time, filled with brand new words of wisdom like: You can be anything you want to, Don’t drink and drive, and Don’t cause your parents grief.”
You: What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?
Graduate: Oh. Yeah. Thank you aunt Mallory!! I’ll….um…put this on my bedside table…..
You: But you’ll be away in college!!
How to avoid this trap:
You: Look what I got you!
Graduate (opens envelope): Five hundred bucks, alright!!
You: It’s for your college tuition!
Graduate: Aunt Mallory, you’re the best!!!!
Why it’s a good solution: Money is always the best present in any situation, because you can’t go wrong with it. The only thing you can go wrong with is the amount you’re giving—too low or too high are both bad. But college students need all the help they can get, so you have some leeway here.
· Over-celebrating.
What’s Wrong With This: Nothing, unless you mind emergency room and police station environments.
How to identify this:
Neighbor: Can you guys keep it down?? I just called 911 for the seventh time!!!
Graduate (silently assessing the damage): Six drunks passed out on the floor, music blasting, the party organizer alleging he knows the police chief on a first-name basis but that the rest of them are screwed, the ringing of cell phones caused by parents who are wondering why their kids still aren’t home seventy-two hours later, property damage exceeding the income from three part-time summer jobs gained with the help of the very people whose property was just destroyed, and the odd presence of middle-aged strangers at a teenage party—two of whom go around the house hiding a group of mysterious packages, as the doorbell keeps ominously ringing.
How to avoid this trap:
Neighbor: Can you guys keep it down?? I just called 911 for the seventh time!!!
Graduate: (gathers belongings and silently jumps out of the first floor window at the back of the house, since front door is no longer an option because of the presence of newly arrived police cruisers).
Why it’s a good solution: It’s hard to avoid celebrating graduation. And if you’re celebrating anything at all, it’s hard to keep from over-celebrating. Thus the best solution is to never let the graduate throw the party at your house (thereby minimizing the chance that you will somehow be dragged into this mess), and teach them that sometimes the best way of solving a problem is to narrowly avoid it.
-----Written by A. L. Salt ©
