-----------All sketches were written by A. L. Salt and are copyrighted © -------------
Disclaimer: All of these sketches are a work of fiction and are purely for entertainment.
Disclaimer: All of these sketches are a work of fiction and are purely for entertainment.
Celebrity Sketches Table of Contents
"Fifty Shades of Grey Game Show" (below)
"Vocal Chords Idol With The DUI Factor" (underneath "Fifty Shades")
"Dancing With The Unknowns" (underneath "Vocal Chords")
"Kate & Will" (underneath "Dancing With Unknowns")
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HOST: Welcome back to the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Game Show! Let me remind you who our finalists are: The man who puts the ‘sugar’ in the ‘daddy,’ the most famous sugar daddy of them all, and Playboy founder---Hugh Hefner!
HUGH: I’d like to take the time to ask my girls, all ten of them, to go to bed. “Fifty Shades of Grey” is a very inappropriate book and I don’t want their ears getting exposed to this filth.
HOST: And our second finalist---former President, Bill Clinton!
BILL: Hi everyone!
HOST: Before we continue, let me just remind you what the grand prize is: Free lifetime membership to an
S & M — wait, am I allowed to say this on television? Free lifetime membership to an M & M club.
S & M — wait, am I allowed to say this on television? Free lifetime membership to an M & M club.
HUGH: I love M & M’s. Especially the vanilla ones.
HOST: Then you won’t like this book. Ok. Moving on. First question: What does the title of the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” refer to? A) Sunglasses B) Painting C) Christian Grey D) My imagination
Bill BUZZES in.
HOST: Yes, Mr. President?
BILL: Now that’s a clever question. I think the best answer would be D, my imagination, but Hilary wouldn’t like that, so I’m gonna stay with the book, and judging by the title it’s C—Christian Grey.
HOST: CORRECT! Next question: In this book, flogging, spanking, handcuffing, and restraining refers to: A) Training for the police force B) Training for the military C) Training for your partner D) All of the above.
Hugh BUZZES in.
HOST: Yes, Mr. Hefner?
HUGH: I think it’s D—all of the above.
HOST: Wrong. Remember, we’re going by the book here, not the real world. The correct answer of course is C—training for your partner. Next question: How many books are in the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy? A) 50 B) 3 C) 53 D) None
Hugh BUZZES in.
HOST: Mr. Hefner?
HUGH: I have no idea.
HOST: Well, what are you thinking about?
HUGH: I knocked up fifty broads but only three of them gave birth….So either the rest of them weren’t really knocked up or the babies pulled a disappearing trick…My response is C—53.
HOST: Remember Mr. Hefner, even if Fifty Shades resembles your life, the answers are based on the book. That’s incorrect!
BILL: Well obviously, if it’s a trilogy the answer is B—3.
HOST: That’s correct. Why didn’t you answer the question, Mr. President?
BILL: To tell you the truth I’m scared of winning.
HOST: I see. Last question then: What’s the identity of E.L. James, the author of “Fifty Shades of Grey”? A) White House Intern B) Playboy bunny C) Transvestite D) British Housewife. I know both of you think you know the answer, but it’s not what you think…
Hugh BUZZES.
HOST: Mr. Hefner, go ahead.
HUGH: I was gonna say it’s the British housewife, but since you said it’s not what I think, I’m gonna choose B—the Playboy bunny.
Bill stands there, PRAYING, but the host shakes his head.
HOST: I’m sorry but the correct answer is D—British housewife. And the winner of the show is----
BILL: Excuse me, Todd! I feel like in this situation the only way I can win is by not winning. So, even though I’m the winner—1-0, I surrender to Mr. Hefner here. It’s not an election, so….What the hell….(shrugs)
HOST: Mr. President, may I ask why you participated in the show then?
BILL: To reach out to all the young people who have become fans of this book, and ask them to vote for my wife when she runs for office again. And to all the parents out there: I know what’s on your mind, and yes, one of her agendas would be banning this book from the public libraries so that our children can’t get access to it!
HOST: Mr. Hefner, do you agree?
HUGH: To have this book banned from public libraries? Hell no!
HOST: No, to be the winner of the show?
HUGH: Oh that. Of course! Where’s my membership?
HOST: And on that optimistic note, we end the show. Tune in next week for a brand new episode of Fifty Shades of Grey, featuring special guests Donald Trump and Donald Duck!
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THE VOCAL CHORDS IDOL WITH THE DUI FACTOR
THE END
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DANCING WITH THE UNKNOWNS
INT. BALLROOM
THE END
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THE VOCAL CHORDS IDOL WITH THE DUI FACTOR
INT: OFFICE
SIMON COWELL and TV EXECUTIVE are sitting across from each other.
TV EXECUTIVE: So what’s the show you’re proposing called again?
SIMON: It’s called “The Vocal Chords Idol With The DUI Factor.”
TV EXECUTIVE: And you think people are actually going to watch this?
SIMON: It’s the X-Factor meets American Idol meets The Voice, why wouldn’t they watch it?
TV EXECUTIVE: Maybe because they’ve already seen it before.
SIMON: Nonsense. This program is special, because I’m the only judge. Sure I’ll be joined by Paula and an obscure music producer, but I’ll be the one deciding who goes through.
TV EXECUTIVE: There’s something that concerns me though.
SIMON: Paula?
TV EXECUTIVE: No. The opposition we’ve been getting from the “Don’t Dumb Down America Fund,” “The International Society of Professional Singers and Musicians,” and the “Free Paula Abdul Organization.”
SIMON: Paula’s not imprisoned. Are there any supporters?
TV EXECUTIVE: Junk food companies, garbage collectors, and trash---
SIMON: Ok, ok. Don’t bother. Check out the footage.
He points at the SCREEN.
INT: AUDITIONS ROOM
At the judging table, Simon is sitting with PAULA and an empty chair with a post-it note attached to it,
with the words “OBSCURE MUSIC PRODUCER” written on it.
Beside Simon are TWO CANS OVERFILLED WITH WRITING UTENSILS (a note is taped to each can with the words “Re-fill Immediately If Ending.”)
Beside Paula are a large THESAURUS and an ASTRONOMY BOOK.
CONTESTANT # 1 is a young woman dressed in a cocktail dress comes into the studio.
Simon takes out THREE PENS and starts LICKING them, as he studies the contestant.
SIMON: I hate that dress. Ok, so what do you do?
CONTESTANT 1: I’m an opera singer.
SIMON: Let’s hear it.
Contestant sings in a professional opera voice, some foreign-language aria.
Paula THROWS the thesaurus in the trashcan, startling the contestant with the loud noise.
PAULA (turning to Simon): What’s she singing? I can’t make out the words.
SIMON: Me neither. Sweetheart, go rinse your mouth. Oh, and learn some singing while you’re at it. Next!
Simon BITES his SHARPIE MARKER as the first contestant is replaced.
CONTESTANT # 2 is a dressed up businessman. He BOWS and adjusts his tie.
Simon stares at him, with disapproval.
SIMON: Next!
CONTESTANT 2: But I didn’t even start singing yet.
SIMON: There’s no need to. You look like you belong in the cast of “The Office.”
CONTESTANT # 3 sports a tattered t-shirt, ripped pants, and a confused expression on his face.
Simon SUCKS on his MECHANICAL PENCIL as he studies him.
CONTESTANT 3: Where am I?
PAULA: You’re in the studio, honey.
CONTESTANT 3: I got out of jail yesterday.
SIMON: Sounds promising.
CONTESTANT 3: I’m gonna be singing a song I compo-sed while incar-cer-ated. It’s called “Life Is A Fraud.”
He clears his throat, and then starts pretending to rap though it comes across as talking.
CONTESTANT 3: This one’s for all my homeboys out there!! “The world sucks, I want some coke/ And I wanna choke, by having a smoke/ This ain’t no joke, I wanna croak/ And drown myself and soak, ‘Cause life’s a joke.”
Simon raises him arm to stop the contestant from any more “singing.”
SIMON (to Paula): So what do you think?
Paula PUTS DOWN her astronomy book.
PAULA: This was so, so (searching for the right word) INSPIRATIONAL! Honey, I think you’re a shining, dazzling, glowing-in-the-dark, I-need-my-sunglasses-to-shield-me-from-your-glare-or-I-might lose-my-vision-from-your-brightness, Star!!!
SIMON: I think we need more singers-songwriters like you. That’s the best performance I’ve seen today. You’re through!
The Contestant SCREAMS in delight, and runs off, as a nervous-looking CONTESTANT #4, a young woman, STUMBLES in.
Simon is CARESSING his face with a HIGHLIGHTER, as he looks at her.
SIMON: Tara, is it? Tell me about yourself.
CONTESTANT 4: I love horses. And singing. But I love horses more. I recently graduated with a B.A. in---
SIMON: Hold on, you have a bachelor’s degree?
CONTESTANT 4: Yeah, why?
SIMON: Next!
CONTESTANT 4: Hold on, are you serious?
Simon nods. She walks dejected off the stage, and is replaced by CONTESTANT #5, who looks like a THUG. Simon ponders the possibilities, as he BLOWS on a WOODEN PENCIL.
PAULA: So what will you be singing today?
CONTESTANT 5: I don’t sing.
SIMON: Then why are you auditioning?
CONTESTANT 5: I wanna be a judge. I heard you were looking for an obscure music producer?
Simon points at the seat with the post-it note.
SIMON: Sorry mate. This seat’s taken.
CONTESTANT 5: But it’s empty!
SIMON: No it’s not.
CONTESTANT 5: What the fuck----
SIMON: SECURITY!
The contestant runs away in terror.
SIMON: Next!
CONTESTANT #6 strolls into the studio, looking like a STRIPPER, and without further ado, SCREECHES her way through a Justin Bieber song.
CONTESTANT 6: Baby, baby, baby—Awwww!!!/ Baby, baby, baby---Ohhhh!!!/ Baby, baby, baby---Owww!
Simon is staring at her, SNIFFING a PENCIL, PEN, HIGHLIGHTER, and SHARPIE MARKER. The cans beside him, which were overflowing with writing utensils in the beginning of the auditions, are now nearly empty. Paula stares at him.
PAULA: (concerned) Simon are you ok?
Simon DROPS the writing utensils in surprise.
SIMON: Me? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. (To the contestant) You can stop now. Is that how you pleasure your customers?
The contestant looks surprised. Paula quickly turns away from Simon, to study the thesaurus she has recovered from the trash can, before turning to the contestant.
PAULA: Sweetie, sugar plum, chocolate fairy, honeyball---
She pauses to SLAM the thesaurus shut.
PAULA: Don’t you just love that song? The lyrics have so much meaning behind them, don’t you think?
SIMON: Just like your comments.
PAULA: EXCUSE ME?
Simon then turns back to the contestant.
SIMON: So what do you do for a living?
CONTESTANT 6: I bartend.
SIMON: What’s your income?
CONTESTANT 6: I don’t have one.
SIMON: Perfect. You’re through. Congratulations!
Simon accidentally OVERTURNS his empty cans in Paula’s direction. Paula pretends to hit him with the astronomy book.
INT: STUDIO
Simon smiles at the TV Executive.
SIMON: So what do you think?
TV EXECUTIVE: Well, they certainly all have the DUI factor. The ones that got through, I mean.
SIMON: You betcha.
TV EXECUTIVE: I just wish there was a little more conflict between the judges. Like you and Paula at the end, that was genius. (Pause) I just wish the obscure music producer would speak up.
SIMON: Oh, he will. Do you think you can get sponsors lined up?
TV EXECUTIVE: Should be no problem. Papermate, the pencil and pen manufacturer, will probably scoop us up. As will Avery, the producer of high-liters, and Sharpie who does sharpie markers. I mean with your level of product placement----
SIMON: Of course. Any other sponsors?
TV EXECUTIVE: As I said earlier, junk food companies. I mean, they like junk not only in their food, but in music too, so it makes perfect sense.
Simon nods. It makes perfect sense for him as well.
SIMON: So what do you think?
TV EXECUTIVE: Congratulations, Simon. Sounds like we have another hit on our hands.
All of a sudden, Simon is HIT by a MICROPHONE and TUMBLES DOWN.
TV EXECUTIVE: Simon, are you ok?
SIMON: I’ve been hit!!!!
The TV Executive quickly LOOKS AROUND.
TV EXECUTIVE: I don’t see anyone……Do you have any enemies?
SIMON: Paula, the contestants I rejected—which is like half of the U.S. by this point…..
The TV Executive continues looking—and all of a sudden he notices THE CHAIR FROM THE AUDITIONS—an empty chair with a post-it note attached to it, with the words “OBSCURE MUSIC PRODUCER” on it, eerily stationed at the corner. On the seat, is a NOTE which the TV Executive picks up. Simon looks up, surprised.
SIMON: What does it say?
TV EXECUTIVE (reading the note): “Learn to sing yourself, before you judge others!”
SIMON: I don’t believe it. So it was the chair, I mean the obscure music producer who threw that thing at me?
Simon holds up the microphone in disgust.
TV EXECUTIVE: Well, he’s got a point. (pause) Now if he was only as outspoken on the auditions as he is now…..
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DANCING WITH THE UNKNOWNS
INT. BALLROOM
TOM: Good evening everyone, I’m Tom Bergeron. Welcome back to DANCING WITH THE----
AUDIENCE: STARS!!!
TOM (same time as the audience): UNKNOWNS, the Quarterfinals! But first, here’s a reminder of what happened last week…
LAST WEEK
MARK CAST stands with his professional partner, MELANIE.
MARK: Unfortunately, I have to withdraw from the competition after I broke my fingernail.
Everyone around him GASPS, others start CRYING. The host, Tom, looks very somber.
TOM: Mark, you will be sorely missed. I personally saw how much work you put into your performance and how hard it was for you! The rehearsals are very physically demanding and---
MARK: It didn’t happen during rehearsals. It happened when I was getting my nails done.
TOM (trying to hide his surprise): Well, my condolences about that. It must be very hard to withdraw from the competition so close to the finish line and---
MARK: Nah, I’m leaving for Jupiter tomorrow. It’s all good.
TOM: Jupiter, Florida? My parents live there.
MARK: Nope. Planet Jupiter.
EVERYONE: Huh??
TOM (fatherly concern): Mark, I think you broke more than just your nails.
BACK TO THIS WEEK
TOM: And now, we’re just down to four contestants! Let’s see how they prepared for this week, starting
with pre-school psychiatrist Don OnMeds and his partner Linda Kay.
REHEARSALS
LINDA attempts to twirl DON around, but Don isn’t letting her.
DON: I can’t dance anymore. I have a stomachache.
LINDA: But we have only danced for two minutes!
DON (ignoring her): I wonder if that’s from that pizza I ate at that restaurant. Hey Linda, did you eat that pizza?
LINDA: No, I skipped it. What’s your point? Let’s stop wasting time here.
DON: I didn’t like the way that cheese topping looked. And that guy who delivered it looked like a drug dealer. You think he spiked it?
LINDA: I don’t know. I didn’t see him. Let’s continue.
They do another twirl. Don stops again.
LINDA: NOW WHAT?
DON: Do you smell that?
LINDA: Smell what?
DON: I think something’s burning.
LINDA: I don’t smell anything. If there was something wrong, a fire alarm would have turned on.
DON: What if the fire alarm is broken?
LINDA: It’s not.
DON: But what if it is? I don’t want to burn to death.
LINDA: You won’t.
DON: But what if I will?
LINDA: YOU WON’T!!!!!!
Don looks at his watch.
DON: Oops, it’s two o’clock. I gotta pick Cheri up.
LINDA: No you don’t. She finishes school at four. The road only takes fifteen minutes.
DON: But there are a lot of things that can happen along the way!
LINDA: ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
BACK TO TOM
TOM : No, Linda, he’s not. In fact, as the producers just told me, he still hasn’t returned yet. So, while we wait for Don to return, let’s see how our other couples prepared for this week. Next up, it’s stay-at-home dad Magic Apron and his partner, Nova Nova.
REHEARSALS
MAGIC APRON and NOVA are dancing, but Magic’s son LEVI keeps interfering with their practice.
As Magic prepares to grab Nova’s waist, Levi GRABS Magic’s waist.
MAGIC: Awww, Levi, baby, let daddy finish practicing!!!
LEVI: NON!!!!
NOVA: Huh?
MAGIC (to Nova): He’s learning new languages. That means “No” in French. Isn’t he so cute?
Nova smiles and PATS LEVI ON THE HEAD.
NOVA: Jakey, let us finish and daddy will buy you ice cream!!
LEVI: NICHT!!!!
MAGIC (proudly): That means “No” in German.
NOVA: Yeah, I kinda got that. Is he always like this?
LEVI: NYET!!!
MAGIC: That’s in Russian.
NOVA: Ok, does he actually speak the languages, or does he only know how to say no in them?
LEVI: NEJ!!!
NOVA: I have an idea. Levi, how about we stop practicing?
LEVI: YES!!!!
NOVA: I’m gonna kill this kid.
LEVI: NON!!!
MAGIC: Don’t be so hard on him. His mother is a CEO, I’m all he’s got.
NOVA: Can’t you just leave him with a baby-sitter?
MAGIC: I’m a stay-at-home dad. I am THE BABYSITTER.
Levi CLIMBS UP on Magic’s back. Nova SLAPS HERSELF.
BACK TO TOM
TOM: Wow, the rehearsals are very hard this season, huh? Next up, high school basketball team dropout N.B.A. Johnston, and his partner Lena Linburg. Let’s hope for something more cheerful.
REHEARSALS
LENA is standing over N.B.A., who is SOBBING.
LENA: Come on, it wasn’t that bad!!
N.B.A.: Yes, it was.
LENA: Just because you keep getting twelves doesn’t mean you can’t dance. I mean, we’re the first pair ever to get such low scores and still end up in the QUARTER FINALS! That must count for something!
N.B.A.: No it doesn’t.
LENA: Honey, you can dance! I see it in you! You’re a champion! Both on the court and on the dance floor!
N.B.A.: I know I am. I don’t care about the dancing.
LENA (mystified): Then why are you crying?
N.B.A.: The other unknowns got paid three grand, but I got paid two point ninety nine grand, you think that’s fair??
N.B.A. buries his head in his lap.
N.B.A.: You can’t even purchase a decent sized pool with that kind of money. I got ripped off, man.
His sobbing INTENSIFIES.
LENA: You know, if we get to the finals, they give you extra….
N.B.A. (stops crying): Really? How much?
BACK TO TOM
TOM: No comment on that. And now, to our last pair of the night, a real-life bachelorette, as opposed to the fake ones on all the reality shows, Jane Bee and her partner, UnpronounceableName, or as we like to call him, The U.N.
REHEARSALS
UNPRONOUNCEABLE NAME, an Enrique Iglesias-type Latino stares hungrily at JANE.
U.N. : Let’s do it for real, the way we do it in my country.
JANE (slightly uncomfortable): Dance?
U.N.: No, make love. We can always dance later.
JANE: I have a confession to make. I’m not really a bachelorette….
U.N.: And I’m not really from Venezuela. So what?
JANE: You know we’re being taped right? There’s cameras around us.
U.N.: Nah….I doubt that. So, how about it?
He PICKS HER UP. Jane SQUIRMS.
JANE: I’m really concerned about the quarter-finals, how about we dance?
U.N.: I don’t really know how to.
JANE: But you’re the professional here! What do you mean by that?
U.N.: I’m not really a champion of break-dancing. In fact, I’ve never danced before in my life.
JANE: Then how did we get this far in the competition?
U.N.: I dunno. Ask the judges.
BACK TO TOM
TOM (nervous): Don’t look at me. I don’t pick the dancers here.
JUDGE’S TABLE
BRUNO, LEN, and CARRIE ANN are ARGUING among themselves.
BRUNO (Italian accent): No, she is NOT gonna win. She’s as clueless as a bachelorette in a gay nightclub….Her partner on the other hand…..
CARRIE ANN: I disagree. You just like him ‘cause he’s hot.
BRUNO: So do you.
CARRIE ANN: No I don’t.
BRUNO: Yeah, you do.
CARRIE ANN: No I don’t.
LEN (British accent): Ahh, stop with that nonsense. Now listen to me, for a second. Back when my country fought your country, in the 1770s when I was eighteen years old, my side lost, even though it was better. Sometimes these things happen, and the better side loses. I think this is what’s going to happen here. And no, Unpronounceable Name isn’t gonna win, despite you two lovebirds keeping him in the program. I’ll tell you who’s gonna win. Magic Apron will be the winner, even though N.B.A. Johnston is better….ummm…more motivated.
BRUNO: My country was never at war with your country. I live in your county,for chrissake!
CARRIE ANN: He was talking about the American Revolution.
BRUNO: Well I’m from Italy, how am I supposed to know that?
CARRIE ANN: Whatever. I agree with Lee, I think N.B.A. is the better dancer.
BRUNO: I’m not a fan of basketball. Magic Apron is more my style.
CARRIE ANN: We already know that.
Awkward pause.
LEN: Hey, weren’t there four pairs? Why aren’t we discussing the fourth guy?
CARRIE ANN: Hmmm…I don’t know…Maybe because he’s a FREAKING HYPOCHONDRIAC
WHO NEEDS TO SPEND HIS SESSSIONS WITH A THERAPIST RATHER THAN A DANCER! Forget dance. That guy needs some serious M-E-D-S and----
BACK TO TOM
TOM (quickly): For legal reasons, we must go to commercial break. I’m told Don has finally
been located. After the break, see the couples FINALLY dance!!
KATE & WILL
THE END
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INT. Bedroom, Buckingham palace
British music plays in the background, as KATE gets up from the bed and stretches. She looks around her, underneath the bedroom, and finally peeks out the window. She takes deep breaths.
KATE (to herself): Calm down. No one’s here.
She then opens the bathroom door and SCREAMS, as she sees a PHOTOGRAPHER with the camera covering his face. He starts snapping away.
Suddenly, PRINCE WILLIAM appears and runs to Kate’s side.
WILLIAM: What’s wrong? I was out walking the dog, and heard you scream……
Kate points to the photographer. William SCREAMS like a girl.
WILLIAM: Who is that?
KATE: How in the bloody hell do I know?
WILLIAM (panicky): Is he going to kill us?
KATE: Not yet, but I don’t know how he got in here.
William nervously gazes at the photographer.
WILLIAM: Ok chap. Get outta here or I’m calling the security!
The Photographer DROPS his camera. William and Kate scream in unison---it’s Harry.
William recovers first.
WILLIAM: Harry—what are you doing here?
HARRY: Checking out the view.
WILLIAM: Of the bathroom?
HARRY: Of Kate in the bathroom.
WILLIAM: Why?
HARRY: Listen Willywonka, after being unemployed all of my life, I finally got a job, ok?
WILLIAM: As a photographer?
HARRY: No, as the guy who goes around with his camera taking pictures.
WILLIAM: Well can you take pictures somewhere else?
HARRY: I already did.
Kate tries to stand in between Harry and William.
KATE: Sorry to interrupt but I really need to use the loo.
They both ignore her, and squeeze her out.
WILLIAM: Why are you even taking pictures?
HARRY: Granny asked me to. It’s to com-me-mo-rate, I mean celebrate, her two centuries on the throne…
WILLIAM (after long pause): Hold on, something smells fishy here….She hasn’t even lived that long yet. And anyway, what does Kate have to do with it, Harry? They’re not even related.
HARRY: Ok, ok there’s more to the story. Shhhhh! Promise not to tell anyone?
Kate JUMPS in front of them, and starts waving her arms, trying to get their attention.
KATE (frantic): Harry, I promise not to tell anyone anything, just get the hell out of our bathroom!!!!
They continue to ignore her.
WILLIAM: Tell what?
HARRY: Shhhh! There are spies everywhere.
He gazes at Kate, and quickly looks away. He discreetly whispers to William.
HARRY: The monarchy is a little short of cash at the moment, and this classy American magazine “Playboy” offered two million pounds for Kate---
WILLIAM: Are you CRAZY? That’s why you were hiding in the bathroom?
HARRY: It’s not like that-----
Kate SCREAMS. William nearly jumps. They both turn to her at the same time.
William SLAPS Harry, and HUGS Kate.
WILLIAM: It hurts I know. I’m sorry about my brother.
KATE: I don’t give a crap, no pun intended, I just REALLY need to GOO!!!
William ignores her again, his face reflecting his distaste, and turns to Harry.
WILLIAM: Does Granny know about this?
HARRY: It was her idea!
WILLIAM (accusingly jabbing a finger at him): I don’t believe you!!
HARRY: No, you’re right. It was actually Dad’s idea. Granny just likes to pass the ideas of others off as her own.
WILLIAM (thoughtfully): That reminds me of what someone told me once……I heard that people who work deal with this every day.
HARRY: With Granny?
WILLIAM: No, with their bosses passing the idea off as their own.
HARRY: Really?
WILLIAM: Well I wouldn’t know…… I wonder what it’s like to work?
He and Harry quietly think the issue out.
WILLIAM: Hold on, what were you doing here again?
HARRY: Well, I was---
All of a sudden Harry FALLS DOWN.
WILLIAM: Harry? OWWW!!!
William suddenly CRASHES DOWN too, dropping beside Harry unconsciously.
Behind them is a furious Kate, holding a FRYING PAN. She DRAGS both their bodies out of the bathroom, and CLOSES the door behind them. She then RACES straight to the toilet.
KATE: Finally!!!
THE END
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